Lately life has been coming hard at my family. Our trials have been above average for quite some time, 13 years at least. Yet I'm not so sure we're all that different than a lot of people. My former boss and friend used to say, "The minute you complain about not having any shoes you see a guy with no feet." I've grown to answer people who tell me "my trials are nothing like yours" with "don't minimize them, your trials are your trials."
Wait, what's that got to do with social media? A lot actually. What follows is more of my heart (my story) and an attempt show you how I did it wrong and started straightening out than to teach anyone as one having authority. I'm more like the aging father or old grandfather just trying to say don't learn the hard way, listen to an idiot so you don't become one.
Social media can be huge anchor, cement shoes even. It's a breeding ground for contention and one-upmanship. Granted I've made some amazing friendships because of it and due to my local church have met dozens who became friends through social media. Yet not too many years ago I used social media as a way to get out all the teaching I thought I was supposed to do. Much of my time, not all but way too imbalanced, was spent engaged in theological debate, or worse, cutting down false teachers and/or brethren. Now mind you theology is a worthy endeavor. And exposing false teachers is important. Yet it's key how it's done. I'm not talking about tone. I'm talking about attitude.
A brother made this powerful comment recently, "It's easy to look down at others when you've placed yourself above them."
I'm convinced I was that man. It was not intentional. Pride is subtle like that. It kills but it does so with great sleight of hand. If we're not mindful of it, or place ourselves under powerfully skilled shepherds, yes, gifted men of God, it will destroy us.
But anyway,
I was dying for dialogue with believers. Dialog which for the most part was lacking in my local church brethren. The desire was for sharpening, for reasoning together, but often as I look backwards it was contentious and pugnacious. I recall a dear friend that I used to work with, a young man who I hired as one of my framers, message me one morning that I was always posting fiery topics and picking people apart. I distinctly recall asking some friends, is it true? I reviewed posts and said is it I? I received affirmation that it wasn't, that I was good. Looking back I firmly believe my friend was right. Funny thing is 3-4 years later when I apologized to him he said he was too harsh and I wasn't that bad. I think we both grew a little in those years in between. It was also around that time that my pastor used a boneheaded move I made online as a sermon illustration. I'm certain it was me. But you know what? He never got in my face. He just let the preaching of the word do the work and when I would approach him he'd gently yet firmly counsel me.
Around 2011-2012 I started going down the road of contention. And the longer I stayed on that road, the darker it got, and the potholes and the dips got deeper and rougher. But like a stubborn horse resisting the reigns I kept going at breakneck speed. I had walked my own way. Like Uzzah I was trying to do the right thing but the wrong way. I just desired for brethren to believe right but God never commanded me to correct everybody. I'd sat under, for lack of better terms, docile men who had no fight in them for truth.
So when I arrived at my current church my pastor would fire me up every Sunday and I tried to emulate his calling of correcting errors but it wasn’t my place. My calling was, and is, to lead my family, to pay close attention to my doctrine, and this is key, and to my manner of life, to live peaceably among others. I've often been asked if I'm a seminary guy. My reply is always, "no, I'm just a wannabe." I'm not called to be a pastor or an elder. My job has always been to properly lead my own family (that's hard enough for me!) and to keep myself in the word and growing. I put myself in a position that I was never intended to fill. I’m the pastor of my family not a shepherd of other people's sheep.
You see, I'm a great sinner. In need of great grace. I'm nobody. God reached down to grab me and He pulled up a lot of muck with my smelly bones and rotting flesh. As Iain Murray said in 2015, I need to "stay low." Or as 1 Corinthians says, God saved the weak, the ignoble, the foolish, and the off-scouring of the world. What do I have that I have not been given?
By all means we should contend earnestly for the faith but contentiousness is not a fruit of the spirit. It's a work of the flesh. Such things my pastor has hammered through texts like Galatians 5. Then my direct pastor and shepherd has mercilessly pounded me for 8 years with the truths of Philippians and 2 Corinthians, and many others. Yet in it he has also gently and patiently endured my sins. Me a guy 20 years his senior. I'm so thankful for him. Yet those are not the only two guys that have impacted me. There are countless others.
If my activity on social media is to prove I am right, I’m doing it totally wrong. If when I talk to my brothers at church I’m just trying to straighten them out, I’m totally out of whack. When the unbeliever reads what I say I want them to say that’s what a real Christian looks like. That’s a guy who doesn’t think too highly of himself. That’s a guy who loves people. I don’t want them looking at me and saying, 'wow if that’s how he treats other Christians I want no part of it!'
Oh, and I despise Twitter. My interaction there has been very minimal because it’s like a 13th-century battlefield where the clash of Claymore‘s and the hurling of battle axes is commonplace. My pastor has likened it to a food fight. He’s far too kind. It’s more like a bloody battlefield where people mercilessly bludgeon each other. My arena is Facebook. It’s not much better. It has its own version of bludgeoning.
Hopefully that's not too disjointed. I hated English in high school. Tried my best to fail it.
So where has this led me?
I want to love the brethren. I want to care for their issues. I want to pray them through their trials. I want to live a verse I memorized some 29 plus years ago.
With humility of mind regard others as more important than myself, to look out for their interests and not just my own.
I've greatly benefited from the encouragement of others. I'd rather be engaged in encouraging the brethren to run the race, to fight the good fight, to endure hardship, to fix their eyes on the Author and Finisher of their faith. Lord knows when I'm hurting it's what I want and need.
Yet so often what I see is people spending most, if not all, of their time engaged in skirmishes on multiple fronts. I'm no military mind but that's not a good plan for winning a war. When I was engaged in that I was just taking shots that were chipping away at me and making a fool of me and my Savior. Shots that would eventually knock me down and out.
A few years ago I purposed to "stay in my lane" as a brother counseled me 7 or 8 years ago. My lane is my immediate family, my church family, and my extended church family, not every hot topic and errant teaching. Note I said "not every."
Will I be silent on issues? No.
I will endeavor to address all things with dignity, humility, and compassion. Because that's what Christians are called to do and be.
Or as I've said previously, Christians ought to look like Christ without thinking they are Him.
~ He must increase.
