Redeeming The Time

I don't fire up the blog much anymore but since I have bachelor time while my beloved is away I thought I'd throw out what's bouncing around in my wee little head.  There are two reasons I have only written three times in the last three years; 

1. Being a bit of a perfectionist it takes me 2-3 hours to compose my thoughts in what I hope is clear and accurate and I was convicted I was simply spending too much time on this and not enough with my wife.
2. I'm just an average guy at best who barely made it out of English in high school.  I was the guy that skipped oral reports out of fear of public speaking and hated creative writing.  Plus, there are plenty of able men and women that can write far better than I and who possess far greater knowledge than I.  I'll likely butcher a noun or a transitive verb.  So don't laugh.  I'm just an English ogre.

That said, here's what's on my heart and mind.  Here is the bottom line right from the start:

You are one day closer to your death right now than yesterday, 

and so am I.

So I want to talk about redeeming our time.  Here are just a few definitions Websters provides, "to buy back, to get or win back, to change for the better."  We all spend our time doing a multitude of activities.  Some good.  Some bad.  Some profitable.  Some wasteful.  

My question is; are you spending your time wisely? 

My purpose here is to focus on how we spend our time in the marriage relationship.  So, are you spending your time with your bride wisely?  (Ladies, bear with me and just apply these words I'll say to you and your husband.)  I speak as a guy that has blown it more than nailed it and fooled himself into thinking that doing what I ought was pretty exemplary.  Like Jacob wrestled God one night, God wrestled me one night a few years ago and He body slammed me in order to break me.  Praise the Lord for faithful wounds that shape the adopted child of God into vessels that resemble Him more.

I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 

~ Phi 3:13-14

Presently I can think of three ladies that have lost their husbands to heavenly glory in the last four months.  Perhaps you find yourself with a spouse that is battling a terminal illness or a chronic illness.  I could name a few of those too.  Friend, I'm not going to tell you anything new but perhaps something here can wake you from slumber as I needed waking from my slumber.

You are just a vapor 
that appears for a little while 
and then vanishes away. 
~ James 4:14

We don't know what tomorrow holds.  In fact, we don't know if we'll live through the night or make it out of work or the grocery store today.  Life is too short and the older I get the more clearly I see that reality.  Selfish desires are too present.  Petty disputes threaten to steal our joy and our time.  Bitter feelings are always at the door waiting to devour the marital relationship.  God's word says, "don't let the sun go down on your anger" and "don't give the devil the opportunity."  Yet how often do we allow trivialities to sow discord in our marriage?  I'm closer to death right now than I was an hour ago.  So guess what?  That means I have less time in the presence of my wife than the day I married her.  And quite frankly that doesn't excite me, that depresses me.

Can we be real here?  Why did you marry that girl?  That guy?  You who have been married 6, 10, 20 years, what changed?  There was a day you couldn't do anything but think of her.  Even if you tried she wouldn't get out of your head.  Then one day you planned how to ask her "The Question."  Where would you ask?  Would you kneel?  Would you trip over your tongue and make an idiot out of yourself?  Would you fumble the ring?  And since she said yes, those things didn't matter anyway because she couldn't stop thinking about you either.  She hoped you'd ask.  She too wanted to be around you so much she was willing to make the ultimate commitment... "til death do us part."  So what changed, if anything?  Oh dear reader, it is my hope that nothing changed.  It is my hope that she still makes your heart skip a beat, that her voice breaking through the silence makes your heart leap, that her smile melts you like wax.  Does it?  It should!

So husbands ought also to love their own 

wives as their own bodies. 

He who loves his own wife loves himself; 

for no one ever hated his own flesh, 

but nourishes and cherishes it. 
~ Eph 5:28–29

Husbands, we are to love our wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.  Marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride, the church.  Men, do we cherish our wife?  Is she the best thing ever?  Do we show her by our actions?  Are we selfless in our care for her?  Are we doing everything for her with joy or is it mere duty if at all?  Do we desire to be with her?  Or are we like some buddies I have known?  Out playing with the boys.  A golf weekend here.  Going to watch Monday Night Football.  A weekend out of town to catch Spring Training.    'Hey babe, love ya, see ya Sunday night but don't worry I'll catch up with ya on Monday.' Not working for me.  Stop loving yourself!

And you know what?  I've been guilty to some extent.  My wife has no desire for sports.  Often I'd find myself in the front room watching football, golf, basketball, soccer, you name it, while she was in the back of the house doing her thing and wishing I'd pay attention to her.  "The game is almost over!  Be right there."  "Oh, man, it's late, gotta get to bed soon and get to work."  Fool!  Instead of giving her my best time she got scraps.

There was a time in our first year of marriage that I decided to join my neighbor's soccer team in the "Viejo League."  My poor young wife had no idea I was a sports junkie when we met because when we met the world stopped and I wanted nothing else but to be around her.  I would often be sitting at the pool at her apartment waiting for her to get home when we were engaged.  Yet a year later when the invite came to play I accepted, hoping my beautiful new wife would love to see her stud boy <cough cough> shine in the net.  What an idjut! I eventually gave it up as she reminded me 3-4 years later that I had a family to care for and missing a week's work from a concussion wasn't the best thing for us.  (The last 4-5 years I've taken to watching the Tour de France with her.  She loves bicycling.  And these days she takes out her spinning wheel and makes yarn.  I would never in my life watch something as boring as TDF but now, I love it.  It's our time every July.)

As I matured, um got older, and she became chronically ill I would do my duty and run the errands on Saturday's or hit some during the week and make sure obligations were met.  Missing many I'm sure.  We never left the house together except for medical appointments.  I was always there to help her get everything out with the doctor and make mental notes of what he said.  I have been in the office with her through hundreds of appointments/procedures since 2006.  It was my passion to make sure she was cared for during those 8 years of home-bound misery.  (Still battling chronic illness 4 years later but it's far better.)  Yet I was still a degree or two off.  But God.  He power slammed me and said wake up boy!  Things started to be put away.  Old desires and interests began fading.  Sports in 2018?  Ha, meaningless.  Oh I can still talk a little but the desire is gone.  Should I say idol?  Yeah, idol.  Dishes started getting cleaned, without murmuring.  Vacuum?  I got it!  You want to just sit and talk?  Tea time, as in drinking, not tee time, became important.  Yeah, the girl I was infatuated with and I'd do anything for became my cherished gift again that I would put everything on hold for.  

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, 
coming down from the Father of lights.
~James 1:17

I called her my "Angel" when we met and in my youthful faith assigned this verse to her.  Now we know that context matters and verse 18 follows.  Yes God the Father brings forth His own and wills that they be regenerated.  Yet also note that every perfect gift is from His hand, from above, so she's still my "Angel."

And you know what?  I don't want to miss a moment with her.  I am losing how many moments I have left.  So are you.  As I mentioned earlier, three sisters in Christ have finished their last moment with their husband.  Some suddenly.  Others through long struggle.  It hurts my heart.  I guarantee you they'd give just about anything for another moment with them.  Another has a husband with terminal cancer.  He may live a few months, maybe a year and a half, unless something drastically changes.  

And that makes me weep.  I weep with them because we're supposed to.  God commands us to.  One day I may be in their shoes and that grieves me.  Oh I'll always have my Jesus.  He'll never leave me nor forsake me and one day I'll sit at His feet with joy inexpressible.  Yet in the meantime He has given us husbands an immeasurable gift we call a wife, flesh of my flesh.  And we're to enjoy that while we have breath.

As I've told many in recent months, cherish the time.  Don't bicker.  Don't let any strife come in.  Forgive quickly. Be selfless.  Give honor to your wife.  Cherish her.  You said "I do" didn't you?  You said, "in sickness and in health."  You said, "richer and poorer."  You said, "til death do us part."  You loved enough then so shouldn't your love be greater now?  Time is quickly slipping through the hourglass.  For the christian your salvation is nearer now then when you began.  The night is coming.  Will we live in such a way that it is pure joy to cherish the one whom the Father has given us?  If we do, marriage will be sweet, oh so sweet.  Just as He designed it to be.  If only we would get out of the way of ourselves and live in the marital relationship as He has described it in His infallible word.  Be careful how you walk and make the most of it.  Redeem the time you have while you have it because this life will soon pass and when it's over you don't want to wish you'd spent your time more wisely.

He must increase,
Kevin